It happens to all of us. Something in our life changes or is revealed and the bottom feels like it is falling out from under us. Panic ensues, we pathologize our life, and the feeling of being unlovable sets in. From this dark hole, it is difficult to escape. We look around for proof that we might be lovable, only to think about events and circumstances that reinforce the feeling that we are not worthy of love.
It’s just not a good space to be in. The strange thing about feeling unlovable is it is likely not true that you are unlovable. I will say that if you struggle with a personality disorder or character disturbance, it is likely that others keep their distance on purpose. For other people, it is likely that you are not hanging out with the right people if you do not feel loved. Regardless of the bigger picture, there are ways to deal with your feelings and rebalance yourself. Here are some ways to right yourself when the world has tipped you over:
- Center yourself. Look around the room and verify everything is as it has always been (unless you have recently moved or rearranged).
- Focus on the present and discern if you are safe, there is a roof over your head, and you can breathe.
- Calm yourself knowing that the greatest issues you see and feel are in your mind.
- Once you feel safe, feel the feelings. Explore where the pain hurts, how it feels, and the fear that is created in you.
- Admit that it hurts to be treated poorly by others and life. It is disappointing when you put your best foot forward and the effort is returned as a pile of nothing.
- After you process your feelings and are back in control, know that things will be okay. You are shedding your past and moving forward.
- Ask your higher power/self for direction and wait. All that you need will show up in time.
All the best!