Have you ever had a fight with someone and ended up confused and worn out emotionally after the fight? You begin to plan your next move, even if you think/feel your next move could get you into another fight or worse? If your instincts are telling you what you are about to do next is not a good idea, it is time to hit pause. Rather than act, you need to rewind and examine what happened and how you arrived at the conclusion that you need to “do” something.
While you are in review mode, pinpoint the moment you began to react during the argument. Examine that moment, think about how you were feeling and what you were thinking. It is likely you began automatically responding via past behaviors and internal beliefs. From a scientific perspective, our neural networks were designed to switch to autopilot when we become overwhelmed. In moments of intensity, our brains switch to what we know. Hormones are released which clouds one’s ability to respond out of good judgment and exhibit positive behaviors.
Once you begin to understand how you were thinking and feeling before your thoughts and behaviors got out of hand, you can begin to piece together the whys of your behavior. Were you feeling disrespected, unimportant, or unheard? Whatever the emotion was, you need to work to the point of be accepting of what you were feeling. Let’s say you felt disrespected and being disrespected says to you that you are worthless and unloved. If you believe you are worthless and unloved, those feelings are a sign that you are not being true to who you are. Let’s say however, you have worked on yourself, you are in a good place, and yet you have never examined such a moment. From this frame of mind, you can embrace that you feel worthless and unloved. As humans, we are imperfect and loving those imperfect parts of yourself are the path for freedom and wholeness. Notice how you feel when you embrace your feelings. Do you feel a sense of release? Is revenge even on your mind anymore?
It is important to note, if you involved with an emotional abuser or an individual who projects and blame shifts, you will have to set some boundaries despite your breakthrough of accepting the undesirable parts of yourself. Also, if you are being physically abused you need to learn about leaving an abusive person through a local shelter or other means that will help you make good choices and ensure your safety.
Founder of the Unstoppable Man Mindset