Probably one of the most haunting experiences in the life of a human is loss of love. When we put our hearts on the line and get hurt in the end, we are left with feelings of sadness and betrayal and may find it difficult to open our hearts again. In many cases, our childhood caregivers may not have given satisfying love to us as children. Maladaptive expectations learned in childhood can follow us into adulthood, further complicating intimate relationships. If you struggle with starting over after being hurt in one or more intimate relationships, above all, you need to honor your experience, grieve the loss, and get in touch with your intuition. In order to make different, more adaptive choices in the future, you will have to make changes in your life.
Here are a few ways to select better intimate relationships in the present:
- Work to increase your self esteem. Low self esteem attracts people who take advantage of others. You cannot attract people who treat you well if you do not treat yourself well.
- Listen to your intuition. If something about another person feels off, listen to that instinct. Observe how they treat others. I think watching people with animals helps one rate the emotional intelligence of another person.
- Enlist supportive people to help you choose a good mate. Let people who are neutral and stable tell you what they think about people you date. Relationships can add energy to your life or destroy you.
- Know that growth will have to take place in your life. Ask and surrender to God/the Universe/Your Higher Self in matters of what to do next and where your intended path lies.
- Know that it will turn out okay. You may make some mistakes along the way and that is okay.
- Forgive yourself. If you trusted someone who hurt you, it is okay to forgive yourself. As humans, we often trust dishonest people – consider the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme.
Although it takes time, you can move forward and try again -when you are ready.
All the best to you!