I’ll admit it. At one point in my life, I was an outstanding advice giver. I had a solution for everyone’s problem. While many people appreciated my assistance, it turns out giving advice is not a good idea. Perhaps in some circumstances such as learning new software or increasing efficiency, having a framework laid out for you can greatly reduce learning time. However, in day to day life, giving advice ruins a person’s ability to process their feelings and use their intuition. In most cases, individuals have issues because they have yet to do the needed internal work. Consequently, it is the internal work that leads to lasting change and not advice.
In the spirit of creating the best world we can, I would like to invite you to move towards being a facilitator as opposed to an advice giver. A facilitator is space holder, encourager, and friend. Facilitators encourage a person to feel their feelings and trust their instincts. Additionally, being an advice giver is a never ending task. The goal is to teach people to fish so you are free to live your own fulfilling life.
Here are some tips for getting into a facilitator frame of mind:
- Realize that everyone, including yourself, has the ability to live a full, fulfilled life simply by using their inner knowing.
- Feelings that have not been processed are stumbling blocks and a means for repeated wounding.
- When people are dialoging about their stuff, it is important that they feel as opposed to gloss over his or her feelings.
- As a facilitator, it is a requirement to be non-judgmental, admit to your judgment, or disengage.
- Know that everyone’s scenario and life is different from yours. You can share what works for you but can never tell other people what will work for them.
- Do your own personal work. Feel your feelings and embrace your shadows. Live life in the way you want others to.
- When you feel triggered by the behavior of others, step back and take stock of your life. Critical feelings are an indication that you can benefit from healing.
All the best!