When reading self help articles I often end up thinking, really?! Maybe some people truly have surface issues that take only an attitude change to solve. Most of the issues I have experienced personally and through others come from a combination of factors including: choosing the wrong people, not taking time out for him/herself, lack of inner work, not cutting ties with toxic people, and the lack of life passion. Also, the words always and never strike me as odd in a self help article. I mean, really, I have met people and have personal experience with being in atypical situations that call for behavior that is not standard; such as intentionally shutting people out, not giving another chance, cutting ties as soon as a person behaves manipulatively, and so on. The truth is aggressive, angry people are not likely to change and there is no reason to hope they will. Sometimes our paths are different than the people around us and we need to move on. Creative thinking always trumps a canned approach. The bottom line is: we do not have to accept less than the very best.
Here are the tips that I suggest when making your way through life, solving marital issues, dealing with difficult co-workers, achieving your dreams, leaving negative people behind, and so on.
- Know that others need to own their stuff. Even if they refuse or do not want to, do not put the shortcomings of others on yourself. You do not have to make others okay or easier to get along with. You also are not required to give therapy or point out the issues of others. Stay when you feel good, move on when the air is toxic.
- Find what makes you happy. Live the life you dream of even if others are not on board (it is more than likely you are already making yourself happy anyway). Send sweet notes to yourself, take yourself out for a meal, or treat yourself to a movie. No one has to be in your life for you to feel special. There are no rules or presets that are expected. The one ideal to uphold is avoiding behavior that harms yourself and/or others.
- Decorate your house in a way that makes you happy. Grow beautiful flowers or make a silk arrangement. Decorate your yard in a way that feels inviting to you. Build that man cave. Make your house and yard an expression of you.
- Do work that you are passionate about. Even if it is through volunteering, make the difference you feel driven to make in the world! Strive to have at least two or more things that fuel your passion. That way you won’t get bored.
- Let your best be good enough. Maybe you can’t clean the entire house in one day. Rather, celebrate that one room is clean at a specific time and let yourself off the hook. You may have one too many projects waiting at home or work. Tackle each to do one at a time and make each project your best work in the moment. If we overthink everything, we will end up getting nowhere. Keep in mind that supportive people support and haters are critical. No matter how hard you work, someone will always pop up to tear you down.
All the best!