As a rose colored glasses kind of person, I have had to learn how to pace relationships. The down side of not pacing relationships is the pain and heartache caused from trusting a person who is not trustworthy. While a friendship may be ended easily, a romantic relationship is more difficult to get out of. In other words, it is twice as important to go slow in romantic relationships. If you are in a relationship with a difficult person and did not go slow, don’t beat yourself up. Over time, we learn to be careful with our hearts.
Just remember to take time when forming a friendship or romantic relationship with another person ~ you have all the time in the world.
- Listen to uncomfortable feelings. If a person’s actions or behaviors make you feel uneasy, trust those instincts and disengage.
- Don’t dive in too quickly. Limit initial interactions to fewer interactions than you would with someone you know really well.
- Don’t share too much personal information. Manipulative people may hide well initially and then try to use personal information against you when you try to move on.
- Spend time taking very good care of yourself. It isn’t healthy to expect another person to care for you fully.
- Watch how the new person treats others. The way a person treats others is the way the person will treat you.
- Observe how the person and their friends interact.
- Don’t accept last minute invitations to hang out. Insist on a week’s or more notice.
- Refuse to spend time with people who break plans at the last minute.
- Watch your alcohol intake around new people.
- Initially hang out with new friends in a group.
- Don’t accept lavish gifts or overtures early in a relationship.
- Avoid becoming dependent on a person you just met.
- Spend plenty of time with existing friends.
- Introduce new friends to old friends and get their opinion on new people. There have been a number of times my tried and true friends picked out a manipulative person way before I did.
- Be gentle with yourself if you don’t recognize a bad friend/relationship early on. We are all working on improving our instincts and what we accept in relationships.
All the best!